October #15

overwhelming -
but what would i do
if i wasn't?
i could minimize,
cut back,
but the idea makes
me pull away. What would I do?
With all that blank, frightening time.
How could I fill me up, ensure that I wasn't wasting
a single precious minute if I didn't have something
to fill that darling minute with? I could waste time
on sleep and exercise and meaningless things.
But I don't want those.
I want brilliance.
I long for stardom,
for supernova,
for permanent memory in the minds of men.
I yearn for meaning,
not peace.
I will be blown by mad winds, slogged through slag heaps,
tear myself up and down, burn out in a quick hot flame,
but I will not waste
the ruby emerald diamond seconds,
each too small and short,
that I have got.