July #16

I worry about
being shut out
forgotten or abandoned
by people I think friends.
I worry about
being shut out
cast aside
for more interesting people.
I worry about
being swept out
ignored, forgotten
alone all the time.

May #22

Still worrying

Something's bothering me,
and I don't know what it is.
I do know
I want you here by my side,
and if no one comes to that party tonight,
well then that's fine by me,
it'll be just
you and me
and we can eat all of those cupcakes
(I made ten)
and complain about getting fat,
order out,
eat in bed,
then push everything off the bed
including our clothes.
I'll make it through work,
but after,
you have to promise yourself to me.

April #20

Have I given up tough skin

in order to be a nice person?

I care too much

about certain other people

and should just shrug them off.

Perhaps

in my search for treating others

as I would be treated,

I have become vulnerable,

far too worried about self-image.

I am paralyzed with thoughts

of who is friends with whom,

and why not me -

worriment

why they don't like me?

What could I have done?

 When I used to shrug off these thoughts

with a simple social finger.

I feel that yes,

it is tied to wanting to please everyone

to treating them all kindly.

There is more than that

but the relationship

is definite. 

April #17

I talk about real life too much sometimes.

What's going to happen - after.

How I can't wait to leave

where I am,

in search for something more real,

more tangible,

more realistic.

I came across a quote today,

trite as it was,

and it sort of, 

well, 

revolutionized my thoughts a little.

Life is now. 

My life is

every moment.

It's not about after college,

or after work,

or when this project is done.

My time will not be saved

for after I finish whatever is ahead of me.

I have to cherish, and live,

and love the now.

So I vow to do it, 

silly and pointless

and sudden and revolutionary

as it may seem.

It's time for now.

It's time for real life.

My worries will waste each day.

Let my loves live them instead.