June #5

I don't know if you know this
but I'm not all the girl I used to be.
I'm half that girl,
and the other half
is this scared, madly in love,
afraid to lose anything,
afraid of everything,
easily hurt, easily bruised, easily broken and betrayed half woman.
She feels abandoned easily.
She is ruled entirely by her emotions.
The other me,
the first me,
the one you feel in love with,
can think and breathe and make living sense,
but she is overruled by this new presence
who sometimes
insists that horrible things will happen,
expects things -
and then wonders if she's expecting too much.
This other woman
doesn't know her limits
but knows that she has fallen so deep in love
that to extricate herself
is suicide.
You need to treat her gently.
I am not her,
and most of the time,
that girl you feel in love with
is dominant.
But on days like today,
when that new woman has put herself
in the spotlight attempting
to make you happy,
you must be gentle,
appreciative, loving,
and hold her hand and look
into her eyes
and tell her what she wants to hear.
Because otherwise
she'll leave,
and call later,
and let you hurt her
again
and again
and again.
Then she'll wonder
how many chances you're allowed to have,
and cry more than she should ever do.

Just love her the way you love me,
but gently.

April #22

My father and I are unlike.
I believe in the greater good,
trust in humanity,
have changed from pessimistic views.
I will give second chances,
and third changes,
and possibly even fourth,
if I love deeply enough,
if I have not been wounded enough.
I will break my heart for the world,
and I will care too much.
My father wants to protect my precocious soul,
banning me from hurt
by banning me from people.
He loves me,
and so does not act out of active injury,
but in anticipation of future harm.
He believes that done once,
an action will repeat itself,
given the chance.
I love my father,
and all the more for his
sheltering arm
against heavy storms.
But I am young,
and I must hurt
and see all the world for me.
He knows this unknowingly,
and grudges but gives my peace.
I can love freely,
and for this I love him all the more.