24

List poem

I Want

I want to be with you, cute you
and I want us to be in facebook pictures together
that show us in our perfect summer
and I want to be young again
although I am not old,
I want to be young again the way I used to be.
I want to be less tired and I want to sleep less,
I want to spend my nights raging, loving, drinking, smoking, partying,
and I want to spend my days brilliantly.
I want every day to be golden,
and I want every horse to have a spirally white horn.
I want you to drive a white mustang,
and I want everyone to be happy,
including and especially me.
I want to go back in time and steal me-who-I-was
and make her change places with me-who-I-am
so that I can pretend these ideals will happen.
I want to believe that we will have that golden perfect summer
and I want to pretend, no, believe, no, experience me
being unbroken.
I want to cherish the idealism I once had
and I want to hold on to the fearlessness
that has faded because of pain.
I want to rewind time and meet you three years ago,
both of us three years ago,
and that's when I want us to fall in love.
Not here, and not now.
I want that to happen, because I think things could have been perfect then.
I want for things to have been perfect then.