27

you

are ignoring me right now but that's
okay
because after all i have been getting the feeling
that i did not turn out to be all you wanted
and maybe i am a little bit of a
disappointment

except that can't hardly be true because
after all we hardly knew know will know
each other

but i do get this feeling
that i am not everything you wished for
perhaps i am about half
or maybe even three quarters percent
but i am not everything

and i must struggle and push and wonder
if i should let you go
if i should turn around some day soon with a heartbreaking smile on
and say
come back to me when you're serious
or don't come back to me at all
or please please just love me.

i don't need you to love me.
i could walk away from this now with only
a modicum
of hurt because i have managed to keep you away enough
or you have managed to stay away enough
that my life will resume with only ripples
and a feeling of emptiness and or possibly loss
without a total self destruct

and yes i would miss you
and yes i would cry
and yes i would accuse myself
of pushing away or pulling away
but i don't want to lie up nights waiting
to see if i'll hear from you

or not.